Go with the strength you have.

Recently I have been feeling like maybe there was a mix up. I think that maybe God meant to give me Juliet and James one at a time.

Hear me out….I know that both of these children were designed with me in mind. I was literally MADE to be their Mom. But it has occurred to me that maybe I was not made to be a *twin* mom. For the last month or so it has just been feeling like a LOT. My house is a mess, my car is a mess, I am constantly texting my boss and asking her to answer questions that she’s already answered or to clarify things that she’s already clarified. I am always 15 minutes late. AND THEN THERE ARE THESE CHILDREN. Lord, hear our prayer.

I took the kids to Starbucks with a friend yesterday and it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. My friend’s child sat nicely in her mama’s lap. She signed when she wanted food. She even used please! I watched in awe, and was then jostled back to life when James bit my knee. For the next 45 minutes or so, I watched my children skitter around of the ground like feral raccoons foraging for half-eaten cheerios.

When I put them in the car, I came to the realization that my children are a little rough around the edges. Juliet is basically a WWE prize fighter and she will cut you for a bite of whatever you are eating. James is a high-risk stealth climber who is constantly antagonizing his sister and sporting a perpetual black eye. Twins be scrappy.

I was lamenting my sorrows, my overwhelmed heart, and my inadequacy by loudly crying in the car after my late night solo trip to the grocery store. I was telling God that since this twins thing was HIS idea, HE needed to figure out how to fix it. NOW.

I took a breath to gear up for another round of sobbing when I heard the radio say, “Judges 6:14 says, ‘The LORD turned to him and said, “Go with the strength you have and deliver Israel from the grasp of Midian. I am sending you!”

Go with the STRENGTH YOU HAVE. Not the strength you want. Not the strength you think that you might have later if you just try a little harder….the STRENGTH YOU HAVE. Maybe God isn’t sending me to deliver Israel from the grasp of Midian, but the task still seems disproportionate to my ability. But it doesn’t matter. I am called to go with the strength I have. God said, “I am sending YOU.”

A kind friend lovingly told me, “You know, humans weren’t designed to have litters. Every day you are doing something that is beyond the expected bounds of your species.” I laughed until I cried. It is hard. It is worth it. It is beautiful. It is CHAOS. I will try. I will fail. I will go with the strength I have.

As for me and my litter, we will serve the Lord.