Huddle up. Today is hard.
I read the news this morning at about 5am when James woke up. My heart sank into my stomach as I flipped through the CNN app. The heart that was already reeling from the violence in Lawrence.
Sometimes it seems that my own grief is selfish. Like I shouldn’t allow myself to be as hurt by this as I am. Like I take away from the importance of the pain of those who were there if I carry it myself. THIS IS FALSE. This insecurity is from the devil. We get to feel empathy. We have to feel empathy.
Today is hard. Today reminds me of December 14, 2012, when sweet babies were killed in an elementary school, and for the first time in my life I questioned the very existence of God.
Today is hard. I called my lawmakers. I am not going to try to change anyone’s mind but theirs. I recognize that social media is a toxic place for me, so I’m stepping away.
Today is hard. My church opened our meditation room to provide space for prayer and processing. We may go or we may invite Jesus to sit in our living room with us.
Today is hard. Today reminds me of the vulnerability of motherhood. It reminds me that the world I brought my babies into isn’t necessarily safe. It makes me squeeze them closer. Music helps me process. The words of Lin-Manuel Miranda’s “It’s Quiet Uptown” made me feel heard and supported:
“There are moments that the words don’t reach
There is suffering too terrible to name
You hold your child as tight as you can
Then push away the unimaginable.”
If you are struggling today, I’m holding space for you. Feel your feelings. Love your neighbors. And if you have any better ideas, let me know.
Today is hard. Let’s hold each other close.
It Takes Two. 
I am with you 100%… and selfishly I’m thankful that my little one is too young to know what is going on. Today the world is still a good place in his eyes…
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Hugs, mama. It’s so hard.
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I recently started reading your blog, and I am so thankful for it. I admire your vulnerability and I now look to it for strength. This post hit close to home for me. I have always struggled with the idea of having children, my biggest reason being your exact words, the idea that I would be bringing a child, or children, into a world I myself don’t understand and often fear. Your words and the experiences you share bring me hope and inspiration, and I thank you for it.
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On a lighter note, I hope you picture your babies singing this to you years from now, because you deserve it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji0WV7dcoh0
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One can only hope! ❤
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Thank you so much. This absolutely made my day, especially coming from someone I respect like I respect you! Hugs.
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